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Shepherd's Center of Northern Virginia

This needs to be changed

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retired senior male caucasian person driver holding car steering wheelAs people age, they often experience a gradual loss of ability to do the tasks they have always taken for granted. Walking, using a TV remote, or reading are just a few things that pose a greater challenge for many older people.

However, the task that many families struggle the most with is driving. When aging parents can no longer operate a vehicle safely, it often results in conflict within the family as carers attempt to remove access to the vehicle, and parents fight back for the right to drive.

How do you know when a parent shouldn’t be driving anymore, and how do you approach that issue? Here’s what families need to know about when to hit the brakes and address driving concerns with parents who are getting older.

Recognizing Signs of Driving Concerns

Age is just a number, and not all people beyond a certain age will need to stop driving. Physical and cognitive ability are the primary factors at play during safe driving. Common signs that indicate an aging parent may need to give up the keys are:

  • They strain to see while driving or do not notice objects in their periphery
  • They take wrong turns more often
  • They fail to abide by traffic signs, road marks, and lights
  • They feel nervous when driving
  • They have been involved in one or more accidents recently, or their vehicle is coming home with more dents
  • They struggle to back up or switch lanes due to problems looking around
  • They no longer smoothly brake and accelerate, or they use both pedals at the same time
  • They become disoriented while driving
  • They forget to use or turn off turn signals
  • They are reluctant to merge into traffic

Being aware of how your parents are driving can save lives. In 2021, 66% of all traffic fatalities were attributed to drivers aged 65 and over; while most deaths were of the elderly driver themselves, 21% of accidents killed other drivers as well, and 8.9% of fatalities were of the older driver’s passenger(s).

Having the Conversation

senior in his 70s driving a car and using his mobile phoneWhen it’s time for your loved one to give up driving, approaching the issue is often fraught with conflict. At the very least, be sure to address the topic when your parent is in an amenable mood; there is no point in starting this already challenging conversation when they are hungry, cranky, or tired.

Come equipped with facts. Have they been involved in accidents, and was anyone hurt? Have specific instances demonstrated that their abilities have degraded? Above all, when sharing this data, do so with compassion rather than accusation.

No one likes to feel targeted, and it can make them shut down and refuse to listen. Having this conversation benefits from the Feedback Sandwich method used in many business cultures.

Begin with something positive (e.g., “We’re so glad you’re taking care of yourself by driving to the doctor”), then include the negatives (e.g., “But it seems like driving is become dangerous due to X, Y, and Z reasons”). Finally, close positively (e.g., “You don’t need to stop going out, though — let’s explore transportation options!”).

Exploring Alternatives to Driving

Many communities are home to several transportation services geared toward aging individuals. Some options to explore in your area may include:

Municipal senior services utilize vehicles equipped with accessibility features, such as wheelchair ramps and handrails. However, these often have to be scheduled in advance, so if your loved one knows when they would like to head out, consider helping them set up an appointment for pickup.

close-up of hands of an older man driving a carMany transportation providers will also remain at your aging parent’s drop-off location to ensure they come back out and get a ride home rather than wandering or struggling to find a driver. The ideal transportation service for your family members will depend on their physical and cognitive abilities.

Those with dementia, for instance, are best paired with a supervised transport opportunity, whereas those who simply stopped driving due to pain or slower reflexes can still enjoy public transit.

Transition Away from Driving with Local Transport Resources

Saying goodbye to driving can be an emotional time for aging parents, but their families can make the transition easier by replacing their driving time with other transportation opportunities that get them where they need to go.

The experts at the Shepherd’s Center of Northern Virginia connect families with local resources such as transportation services that can keep your loved one engaged with the community outside the home, even after they have to give up driving. Contact SCNOVA to learn about transportation in your area.