For any family, an adult’s parents getting older can be a challenging time. The people who previously provided care for them transition into a role in which they themselves require care — and family members may not always feel equipped to provide it, either practically or emotionally.

It is normal to experience intense emotions or even switch rapidly between disparate feelings, such as anger, love, and grief. To better cope with the transition from child to caregiver, families can benefit from understanding what to expect, what is normal, and what resources they have at their disposal.

Begin by learning practical tips from those already familiar with the process of managing new responsibilities such as finances, healthcare, and daily living support. Families can ease this life transition and produce positive outcomes for everyone involved by being prepared.

The Emotional Toll of Caregiving

When people begin to take on the caregiver role, things often start positively. In many cases, they feel love, care, and connection with their family members, and they believe that the transition to a child caring for their parents can foster a closer bond. However, many begin to struggle as the caregiving responsibilities continue, and it can be difficult to admit to some of these new feelings: frustration, sadness, ambivalence, or even impatience.

Two of the most common emotions that new caregivers struggle with are guilt and resentment. Studies show that people in caregiver roles tend to experience guilt because they feel that they are not doing enough or that others are judging them for how they’re doing. On top of that, caregivers are uncomfortable with negative feelings that may arise when caring for a family member.

Resentment often builds as a parent finds themselves at odds with their child caregiver. Whether intentionally or not, an aging parent can be uncooperative and difficult to help at times. It is also normal for adult children to feel that their time is consumed by caring for their parents to the detriment of bonding with the rest of the family or spending energy on enriching pursuits, like hobbies.

Tips for Managing the Transition for Parents Getting Older

Whether a child is on friendly terms with their aging parent or not, the transition into the caregiver role can be difficult. Adult children should be sure to support themselves to make this process easier:

Emotionally

During this time, remember that emotions — including negative ones — are normal; see them, name them, and understand that you are not broken for feeling them. Seek emotional support, which can ease these negative feelings and provide coping strategies.

If specific behaviors are causing undue distress, consider alternatives for coping with the situation:

• Enlist the help of another family member for that specific task or responsibility if they can cope with it more easily
• Change the environment, situation, or perceived requirements to reduce the strain being caused by the behavior (e.g., if the parent is balking at family dinners, sign up for a meal service or prepare leftovers for them to eat on their own time)
• Hire outside help from volunteers or elder care organizations

Financially

Caring for an aging adult can place significant strain on a family’s financial resources. Local organizations may be able to offer tools for legal and medical planning from low- or no-cost workshops for creating a will to health advocacy services. Remember that many social safety nets exist and can be accessed by older adults, but they will need to file an application first (e.g., Medicaid).

Safely

Basic tasks such as getting to and from a doctor’s appointment can become a challenge for older adults. Children can support the safety of their family members by leveraging local resources, such as transportation services, to make sure their loved ones continue to receive the care they need safely. If in-home nursing care is required, pursue programs that can provide low-cost options or those that partner with financial support to make such programs accessible.

Supportively

Do not feel that as family members, you must bear the entire burden of care on your own. Take full advantage of community support groups, professional care services for in-home or visitation-based care, and caregiver support meetings. Protecting the adult children’s mental health is just as important as providing care for the aging adult.

Find Resources in Your Area

Handling the transition from child to caregiver requires intention and strategy — and even then, it is normal to reach roadblocks and make mistakes. By utilizing local services and understanding what is normal during this transition, adult children can become better equipped to provide the care their loved one needs.

Contact us to discover how the Shepherd’s Center of Northern Virginia is making a difference in communities like Oakton, Vienna, Dunn Loring-Merrifield, Great Falls, Herndon, and Reston. If you’re outside these areas but have questions, give us a call, and we’ll guide you to the Shepherd’s Center nearest to you!